When I first began to move from a casual and purely intellectual interest in Buddhism to a more serious attempt to incorporate mindfulness into my daily life I did not anticipate extending the practice to my children. In fact, in many ways I began meditating in order to get a mental break from my children. The job of helping to parent young twin boys with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD), Asperger's Syndrome, had come to dominate my mind. The minute to minute unpredictability of their behavior, coupled with the constant worry and internal debate about how best to place them in school, etc. had become all consuming. I had lost control of my mind and found myself increasingly negative and sensed that a mindfulness practice was the best way to regain much needed control.
As I began to read several books about Mindfulness I quickly began to notice that many of the attributes and skills necessary to live in a mindful way were precisely the things I (and seemingly countless therapists) was working so hard to foster in my boys. My initial reaction was that if I could be successful in establishing a mindfulness practice with the boys we would go a long way to overcoming some of their difficulties and set them up for a happier life.
Quickly I began to see that I had my work cut out for me. Their weaknesses, so to speak, are real impediments to mindfulness and will be difficult to overcome. However, I firmly believe that the path to overcoming these roadblocks to mindfulness is through the mindfulness practice itself. In many of the attributes associated with mindfulness one can find both the pitfalls and potential for individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome.
Attention:
One of the key skills required for and fostered by mindfulness is that of attention. As I first tried to teach the boys to sit and be mindful of their breathing it became obvious how great this need was. They each possess truly remarkable brains capable of feats that frankly mystify and almost scare me; minds that are never still. Obsessed with the written word they rarely go a second without some sort of input. Simple tasks are made more difficult by the distraction the written word holds for them. It is not uncommon to find them in a state of interruption while getting dressed (often with one leg in a pair of underwear and one leg out) having suddenly stopped to read a book. I frequently have to utter ridiculous phrases new to the parenting lexicon (like-"Don't take your book on the slide" or "Quit reading while you brush your teeth"). Further complicating matters is that they each possess seemingly photographic memories. Even without access to an actual book or TV, they can pull material from their minds (one even describes it as "downloading to his brain") and withdraw into a world of their choosing. To focus on just one thing, let alone one thing seemingly as simple as the breath will be a Herculean task.
And yet in the midst of all this distraction they also show an amazing ability to lock in at times. From an early age this was evident when they might be working at puzzles or listening to music (or reading). In fact in many ways it was too evident, like when they were lining things up alphabetically and were unresponsive to their own names. I am hopeful that by teaching attention in a deliberate manner at a young age they can actually take what is now an attention deficit or source of blocking out the world and channel it into a focused attention that may actually turn it into a real strength. Additionally, some of the research discussed in Susan Kaiser Greenland’s The Mindful Child suggests that children with initially poor executive function are capable of making greatest gains through meditation.
Sensory Awareness:
Many of us float through life completely unaware of our surroundings, blocking out nearly all sensory input and therefore missing a great deal of the wonderful in our world. A mindfulness practice helps one tune in to the beauty around us. However, for children on the autism spectrum it can be quite the opposite. Rather than being unaware of their sensory input they are often tortured by it. Sensory processing issues results in lights that are too bright, tags that are too itchy, noises that are too loud and food that is inedible for any number of reasons. For example, the sound of clapping has been sufficient to cause one of the boys to develop a substantial phobia to any sort of live performance or sporting event (even when they are just on TV or the radio), things that otherwise he would take a great interest and find enjoyment watching.
As with attention I believe a deliberate attempt to teach the boys to focus on a particular sensory input and describe it fully may give them the tools they need to no longer be at the mercy of whatever sensory inputs bombard them at any given moment in time. For example, by learning to focus on the bell or the sounds of the birds chirping they may develop an ability to focus and filter their sensory input when something like a round of applause or fire alarm temporarily intrudes on their otherwise orderly world.
Kindness:
I think that while children with Asperger's Syndrome are often portrayed as cold and unfeeling I believe this is a bit of a misrepresentation. While it may be true that children with Asperger's may not fully understand the world around them or the emotions of other individuals and therefore may make statements that seem incredibly callous I also see in them deep wells of compassion that extend far deeper than most individuals. I have already witnessed a deep sense of connection with the environment and compassion for all living things. One of the boys in particular readily identifies himself as "environmental" and in both boys recognition of injustice is strong and natural. In them is the making for a life of considerable kindness and compassion.
Still, like nearly all socially related skills, empathy needs to be taught to them in a concrete and direct way. When it comes to empathy all kids could probably benefit from this type of direct teaching, but for them it is especially true. Some of the empathy building games described in Goldie Hawn’s new book, 10 Mindful Minutes, are a great starting point. I believe that through activities like these they can learn to consider the viewpoints of others and walk in their shoes before they act.
Impermanence:
To truly live mindfully one must be able to accept that all things change and that nothing is permanent. For a child with Asperger's that is capable of being driven to distraction by a missing book from a dentist's office he last visited six months ago this is a challenging concept to say the least. Children with ASD often live in a world that is to them confusing and unpredictable. Sameness, whether it be in the food they eat for breakfast or the path they travel to school provides them a much needed anchor. Accepting change is difficult.
Perhaps here the boys’ logical and experimental nature can be exploited. Teaching them to mindfully follow their breath and watch their thoughts come and go they can through personal experience (the only learning that matters to them) learn that each moment is new and each thought is gone in an instant. However, here more perhaps than in other areas, it may be that constant reminders and loving reassurances are required.
Equanimity:
One of the primary goals of a mindfulness practice is to develop equanimity, a calm even response to all events. The boys are the polar opposite of calm and even. Their responses to life are volatile. Their highs are dramatically high and their lows are dramatically low and they can happen within minutes of each other. Often this seems to stem from their black and white and often fatalistic thinking. Things are good or bad with no in between. Shades of gray are not understood. The end of an event for them means the end for all-time, not just a break until tomorrow or when the weather gets better.
I am hopeful that by teaching the boys the science behind how their brains operate, a topic they love, they can understand that they do in fact have control over how they respond and how their minds generate thoughts. More importantly I am hopeful that they can learn that through practice they can change the wiring of their brains so that positive responses become the norm.
To some these facts may seem like they would make the practice of mindfulness impossible for individuals with Asperger's Syndrome or another ASD. However, to me they only stress the necessity of such practice. And within their beautifully unique brains I see not only impediments but also great strengths from which to draw on. First and foremost in my boys is an incredible desire for learning, specifically through reading. This has meant through books (specifically Peaceful Piggy Meditation and Moody Cow Meditates by Kerry Lee MacLean) we have been able to successfully introduce the concept of meditation. Their craving of input, often a distraction to be overcome, has also enabled us to input some good information. Once information is read, it becomes part of the world and so now, through reading, meditation is part of their world. In addition to being natural readers and learners, the boys are both logical and born experimenters, traits I strongly associate with Buddhism. Recently one of the boys came in one morning and lay in bed with his head on my chest. After some time of silence, in which I thought he had fallen asleep, he announced my heart rate. He had watched the clock and counted for a full minute. Not bad for a seven year old, and surely in my opinion evidence that this is a child that can, through experimentation and study, learn to observe his mind in a careful and thoughtful way. And while rules that don't make logical sense are difficult for them, rules that they can verify through their own experience, like observing their heart rate slow after a breathing exercise, are of the utmost importance.
It is my hope that I can utilize their strengths to teach the boys the methods and benefits of mindfulness meditation and a mindful lifestyle. And that those skills and view points will enable them to overcome some of the challenges they face and will continue to face due to Asperger's Syndrome and enable them to go on to lead happy and productive (but mostly happy) lives at peace with themselves and the world around them.
Despite all my hopefulness I’ve struggled to write this; feeling at best like it is premature for me to writing about this now, and at worst, like a complete fraud in doing so. In truth the boys are still struggling on a nearly daily basis in school. Despite my best efforts I have not yet enabled them to find the peace and calm I hope for them. And worse, at times in the daily battles that can erupt over the simplest of instructions I’ve modeled the very opposite of peace and calm myself, instead showing them anger and frustration all too often. But there are, however, signs of success as well. The boys have learned to calmed themselves with deep breathes, at times without prompting by an adult. And I have learned to set aside worries over the future in be in the present moment with the boys more often. So, I choose to continue to write now despite not having all the answers myself because my boys and thousands of other similarly effected children do need help and I hope that through this writing I can inspire others more experienced in meditation and teaching than I to look towards this population in need and develop the skills, tricks and tips needed to bring mindfulness to this group of anxious and fearful children.
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